Karma and the Flight From Hell !!!

Before the economy took a dive, I used to travel quite a bit for work. One time, I had just boarded a plane in Florida for a trip back to California and I was sitting there watching  the other passengers board and playing the mental "Which one is gonna sit next to me ?" game.
You know the game - you check out the other passengers as they shuffle down the aisle and you try to use your telekinetic abilities to either deflect or attract a good seat mate. ( I can't be the ONLY one who does this !!!)
"Hmmm - Guy in a business suit, eh - maybe. Stinky Pakistani in a turban - Force Field at Max !!! Elderly Grandma looking woman - Yeah, that would be okay. She'll probably offer me some Lemon Drops that she's had in her purse since the Nixon adminstration. They might have a little lint on them, but I don't think they have an expiration date and I love Lemon Drops, so I'm okay with that. Oh Oh Oh !! Wait a Minute !! Super Model !!!! Scotty !!! Tractor Beam On Full !!! Divert power from the shields if you have to !!! "
Well, one by one, they all find their seats elsewhere until the seat next to me is the only one left on the plane. I'm thinking - Bonus !!! I get to stretch out on this 6 hour flight !!! WRONG !!!
Like the Tyrannosaurus paddock scene from Jurassic Park, I am startled by the vibration of thunderous footsteps coming from behind the First Class curtain. I look up just as the curtain parts and I  see what is possibly the largest, most obese person I have ever seen. This guy looked like Chris Farley, but much bigger. That's correct - bigger. He had to weigh 350 if he weighed an ounce.
I desparately start scanning the cabin in the hopes that there is at least one more open seat other than the one next to me.  And then it happens...
He makes eye contact with me and starts making a beeline for my row.
Now I'm pretty sure I didn't say it out loud, but I can't promise that he couldn't read my lips as I thought to myself "No Effin Way !!!"
Defeated, I stand up and let him into the row. He takes the window seat, and I have the aisle seat.
To be clear, let me just say that when I say I had the aisle seat, I mean I had the AISLE SEAT ! This guy is so big, that he is spilling over into my seat and taking up more than half of my seat. At best, I have one butt cheek precariously balanced on the edge of the cushion and the rest of me is in the aisle.
The flight attendant makes her final rounds and tells me that passengers aren't allowed in the aisle during take-off. To this I simply nod my head to the left , roll my eyes and give her my best "Seriously?!! Really?!! " look.
The plane takes off, and I wait patiently until the captain turns off the "fasten seat belt" sign.
As soon as the sign goes off, I pop out of my seat faster than a contestant being called out on "The Price Is Right" and approach the flight attendant. I explain my dilemma to her and ask her if there are ANY seats left on the plane including First Class, or even a crew jump seat. She says "I'm sorry sir. It's a full flight and you'll have to stay in your assigned seat."
" I can't", I tell her. "3/4 of my seat is being taken up by the guy next to me" .
"Sorry sir. There's nothing I can do"  - UGHHHHHHH !!!!
Disgusted, I make my way back to my fractional seat and plop my one butt cheek down.
Then my mind starts racing. I think about the ethical and PR ramifications of making large people pay for two seats when they can't fit into a single seat. I picture a test seat being set up right next to the frame that you put your carry on bags in to see if they fit in the overhead bin. Your luggage doesn't fit?  - Gotta check it. Your butt doesn't fit? - Gotta pay for two seats.
After about 40 minutes of sitting in a contorted, spine wracking pose, I'm seriously considering just going into the lavatory and spending the rest of the flight on the toilet. Hey, at least it's a seat !
As I get up to execute "Operation: Hog The Lavatory", the "fasten seat belt" sign dings on again.
"Ladies and Gentleman, we will be landing in Atlanta in about 10 minutes. Please take your seats and prepare for landing."
I had forgotten, we have a brief layover in Atlanta before continuing on to San Francisco. This could be my answer. I'll de-plane, and then book a separate flight to San Francisco. Granted, it will be expensive, but then again, so are Chiropractors.
The plane lands and I get up to grab my carry on bag and make my escape from what will surely be the flight from hell.
As I stand up, so does Big Boy. "This is my stop" he says.
Hallelujah !!!!! (I'm pretty sure that this time I did say it out loud.) I move out of the way, and let him out of the row. As he walks away, I sit down and reclaim my seat by slamming down the armrest, or as I now think of it, The Gauntlet.
A few minutes pass and then the new group of passengers boards the plane. Once again, it's time to fire up the telekinetic powers.
"Force Field....Force Field... Tractor Beam.."
They all board, and yet the seat next to me remains unoccupied.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to United Flight 132 to San Francisco. Flight Crew - prepare the cabin for take-off."
YEEEEEEESSSSSSSS !!!! I get to double dip on the seats !!! This is better than going through the drive through at In and Out and having them accidently put an extra Double Double in the bag !!!
Up goes The Gauntlet as I comfortably spread my frame over both seats.
Ahhhhh - Karma is a beautiful thing